Thursday, 29 September 2016

Reader Response (Draft 2)

In the news release, “Trains on the North-South and East-West Lines Safe for Service,” Land Transport Authority (LTA) (2016) states that all trains are gradually sent for servicing and it also conducts severe testing of trains' safety as well as dependability. Addressing the battery problems, the website further explains that the manufacturer fixes it promptly by changing the battery supplier as well as improving the design of the "battery housing". The website then assures that appropriate actions have been taken to get the manufacturer to rectify the draughtscreen problems, which are due to errors during the installation process. The news release also says that for the "hairline cracks", it is due to “localized impurity” during the manufacturing process and all these problems would not affect the operational safety of the trains. According to the website, LTA will return defected trains to the factory in China to exchange the entire "car body shell" and it assures that periodic inspections will be conducted to ensure commuters’ safety. However, I feel that the news release is incomplete as it only focuses on what have been done in order to solve defects problems and it fails to consider several aspects that may cause defects on the train which will affect the operational safety of the trains’.

The first reason that makes the news release incomplete is because it only says that the hairline cracks are due to “localized impurities” during manufacturing process even though there are other aspects that may cause the hairline cracks. According to Hao (2016), old rail, improper maintenance and different weather condition can cause defects to trains. In my opinion, these may be possible causes of the hairline cracks. However, the website does not address these aspects. In this manner, the news release could leave reader with only a partial understanding causing it to be incomplete.

The second reason that makes the news release incomplete is because it only says that the cause of cracks at the draughtscreen are due to errors during installation process. In my opinion, overcrowded trains may cause the cracks on the draughtscreen too. “Kawasaki Heavy Industries & CSR Sifang,” (2016) (Fig 1.) states that the capacity for seated and standing passenger are 296 and 1624 respectively. However, according to Tan (2016), train ridership hits up to 4.2% from 2014 to 2015. In addition, according to” LTA Strategic Planning,” (2016) (Fig 2.), at 6.15pm, there are an average of 179 000 of train ridership and these shows clearly that the train are overloaded. When the train is overloaded, standing commuters’ tend to lean against the draughtscreens and the force exerted could eventually cause the draughtscreens to crack. According to Chew (2015), one of the draughtscreens on MRT train shattered(Fig 3.) and in my opinion it is possible for the same thing to happen again. Therefore, the news release would be complete if it considers the train maximum capacity and laden weight per load that could be the cause of the cracks.
In conclusion, while the news release only discusses on what have been done in order to solve defect problems, it should also take into account of several factors that may cause defects on the train such as old rail, improper maintenance, different weather condition as well as the maximum capacity and laden weight per load. Although the entire "car body shell" of the trains are going to be replaced, if the factors are being neglected, new cracks on the draughtscreen would be formed. If this problem persists in a long term, it may break the draughtscreens. Thus, this would affect the operational safety of the trains'.


References:   

Chew. H.M. (2016)"Glass side panel on SMRT train shatters". The Straits Times. Retrieved September 29. 2016 from http://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/transport/glass-side-panel-on-smrt-train-shatters-no-one-injured
Land Transport Authority (2016) “Public Transport Ridership". Retrieved September 9, 2016 fromhttps://public.tableau.com/profile/lta.strategic.planning#!/vizhome/2015PublicTransportRidership/PTRidershipDashboard
Land Transport Authority. (2016). “Trains on the north-south and east-west lines for services.” Retrieved September 22, 2016 from https://www.lta.gov.sg/apps/news/page. aspx?c=2&id=0f8b1220-0289-4bef-99c9b2455f17a66c#_fth1
Nan. Z. (2016, July 7). “Our trains in Singapore are safe, says firm behind China-made MRT trains.” News Asia One. Retrieved September 22, 2016 from http://news.asiaone.com/news/transport/our-trains-singapore-are-safe-says-firm-behind-china-made-mrt-trains

SG Trains. (2016). “Kawasaki Heavy Industries & CSR Qingdao Sifang C151A (KSF).” Retrieved September 29, 2016 from http://www.sgtrains.com/train-c151a.html#design



Tan. C. (2016). “Bus-and-train-ridership-hits-new-high.” The Straits Times. Retrieved September 29. 2016 from http://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/transport/bus-and-train-ridership-hits-new-high


4 comments:

  1. Hi Rafiana

    Your summary seems to relate well to the article, and your flow between paragraphs are well supported by transition such as 1st reason and 2nd reason.

    However, for your 2nd paragraph;
    According to Hao in “Our trains in Singapore are safe, says firm behind China-made MRT trains,” (2016), old rail, improper maintenance and different weather condition can cause defects to trains.
    I could not tell if "old rail,.... defects to train" is Hao's opinion or your opinion. This seems to be a issue as it resurfaces in your conclusion.

    Overall, your reader response is well supported with evidence by other sources.

    Regards
    Khia Meng

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Khia Meng,

      Thank you for your feedback!

      My opinion is not only "localised impurities" caused the defects on trains. There are several aspects that cause defects on the train and I supported it with a source by Hao's which is "old rail, improper maintenance and different weather condition cause defects to trains".

      Sincerely,
      Nana Rafiana

      Delete
  2. This summary reader response has great potential, Rafiana. Your summary captures the key points of the news release. You also have a well focused thesis. The respective topic sentences (TS) of the supporting body paragraphs relate directly to the controlling idea of that thesis, and you support each TS with lots of clear information. What is especially impressive is the research you've done, the way that you support your opinions with evidence and the insights you've developed.

    There are a few problems:

    1) The verb tense in the news release is a bit odd as a simple present. The reason is that the release reports even that **happened**. Granted, with some events, one can use the historical present tense to report. But your summary doesn't really succeed in that.

    2) what have been done >>> (subject-verb disagreement)

    3) However, I feel that the news release is incomplete as it only focuses on what have been done in order to solve defects problems and it fails to consider several aspects that may cause defects on the train which will affect the operational safety of the trains’. >>> (lack of conciseness)

    4) ...that may cause defects on the train which will affect the operational safety of the trains’. >>> (repetitive use of the word train)

    5) According to Hao in “Our trains in Singapore are safe, says firm behind China-made MRT trains,” (2016), .... >>> According to Hao (2016) ....

    6) The second reason that makes the news release incomplete is because the news release only says... >>> The second reason that makes the news release incomplete is because it only says ....

    7) according to Tan.C (2016), ... >>>> according to Tan (2016),

    8) However, according to Tan.C (2016), train ridership hits up to 4.2% from 2014 to 2015.
    >>> (verb tense)

    9) ...at 6.15pm, there are an average of 179 000 of train ridership and these shows clearly that the train are overloaded. >>> (structure: use a subordinate clause with 'which')

    10) According to Chew. H.M. (2015), one of the draughtscreens on MRT train shattered(Fig 3.) and in my opinion it is possible for the same thing to happen again. >>> (sentence structure: Make into two sentence.)

    11) would be complete if it considers >>> (verb tense for hypothetical in the 'if clause')

    12) take into account of several factors >>> ?

    13) the entire "car body shell" of the trains are going >>> (subject-verb disagreement)

    Let's work on this. I appreciate your effort!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Brad,

      Thanks for the comments! I will revise it as soon as possible.

      Sincerely,
      Nana Rafiana

      Delete